How can I use my power without hurting others mum?

What a question… and what a timely question…

My daughters have recently started a local Karate class and are loving it…yet for one of them, feeling her power and then using it to do the punches, kicks and partner work has been bringing up some interesting questions for her….

She asked how she could use her power, without it hurting the person she is working with… she was afraid to punch, kick or grapple to her full potential for she was afraid of the intensity of this power and the effect it would have on others… as the wider applications of this question came to light in my mind as we were driving to the class, shivers went up my spine…

How many women and girls, and indeed men and boys struggle with this question…. and how different would, and could, the world be if everyone asked themselves this and spent some time really exploring the answers…

I’m in no way claiming to have the answers myself… yet the question is so timely… we have lived in a world where power has gone unchecked for far to long, resulting in vast oppression, exploitation and inequality of peoples and environment, and the Feminine is, without doubt, arising and awakening, and as women and girls we are coming into closer contact with the abundant, immense power and wisdom we hold within…yet how to express this in our world in a different way to the old structures…. especially when it has laid dormant, timid and oppressed for so long…

How can we use our power without hurting others?

For me, the self awareness borne from Yoga, meditation and Conscious Menstruality (where we become aware of our different feelings and energies at each part of our menstrual cycle) are good places to begin…. for we can understand more of who we truly are through these practices, and become more aware of where our power lies, and how it flows, ebbs and changes through our cycle, rather than it taking us, and others, by surprise…

Also, with great power comes great responsibility… I believe we can deepen into our own power and its expression in our lives, and support our daughters and sons in this too, as we recognise the implications of our actions… and take fuller responsibility for our choices, actions and words…As we deepen into responsibility, feeling okay about ourselves and owning our decisions and actions… we become more grounded and comfortable in ourselves, and feel more able to know, and then live, our truth…

I write about this in my forthcoming book Milestones of Motherhood… about how as we come to feel what is right for us from within as mothers, and sense our own feelings of power and rightness, our arising instinct, wisdom and intuition, it starts to matter less what others think of us and we are able to live our lives with greater authenticity… here our power is the energy which helps us to create outer lives which feel true, resonant and aligned with our inner feelings… and we deepen into milestones of genuine authenticity… of living in ways which are right for usĀ yet not expecting others to live in this way too, but rather feeling comfortable in our choices and respecting and holding space for others to discover what is true and right for them…

We can deeply embody our own power without having to control others… we can gift them with the freedom to live as they like, knowing we are living in a way which is true to ourselves… and one of the most beautiful alchemic elements of this process is, the more we live in a way which is our own truth, the more we inspire others to do the same, even if their truth is different from ours….and in so doing we create gifts of freedom and liberation for ourselves and those around us as we free one another from the traps of manipulation and insecurity and begin to embrace one another for living our own truths…rather than compromising ourselves to ‘fit in’…often with a culture which is way off balance in terms of what is truly nourishing for ourselves and our children…

As we start to hear more of our own truths, so we begin to notice where we are not resonating with these in our outer lives, lifestyles and choices…and again we can use our power to help us make the shifts to live more authentically….not trying to please or change others, but living in a way that is true to ourselves and gifting others the freedom to do this also…

This showed up in my daughter’s life recently…she is very environmentally conscious, and feels strongly about the ocean plastic problem… seeing the Kinder Joy sweets in a full plastic package, she was outraged! She felt her power rising and spoke eloquently and passionately about just how wrong this is on many levels… I suggested she harness this power and write to Kinder expressing her concerns… so she did, and felt very good about channeling her feelings in this way (although a little non-plussed at their PR heavy reply)… this also led to another few emails fired off to different companies about their lackluster response to plastic food packaging! We really can use our power to inspire changes around us…

Yet does this really answer the question of how we can use our power without it harming others…

My personal understandings to this question are once again borne out of my Yoga practice… and also the beautiful insights which arose during the writing of Milestones of Motherhood… yes power can be oppressive and destructive, and we see the results of this each day…yet as we deepen into all of who and what we truly are… (a pondering on the chakras and koshas of Yoga provide wonderful insight…) we realise that certainly we have a place of great strength and power in the body…. yet so too do we have an expanse of loving kindness in our hearts, and also landscapes of immense inner knowing, wisdom and intuition…therefore, my personal understanding is this; we become so much more effective, loving and useful in the world when we weave together the three threads of our being… we bring together our great POWER, LOVE and WISDOM and let these forces work together to create kind, effective, wise change in our lives and in the wider world… we have far too many examples of power running amok, untamed by the forces of wisdom, love and vulnerability… so this I feel is our challenge of the rising Feminine energy… using our power to create delightful, much needed change, yet not doing so in the old ways of oppression and destruction, but rather weaving our power through the energies of LOVE and WISDOM and embracing and nurturing, rather than shunning and exploiting our individual and collective vulnerability… so our power becomes the energy and the animating force bringing our visions of love, truth and wisdom into the world…

A beautiful pondering of truth inspired by my daughter…

I also love Lucy Pearce’s book Burning Woman which explores in great depth and detail women’s journeys of oppression, separation from and re-embodying our Power and Femininity… and I’m looking forward to sharing reviews of this and Medicine Woman shortly…

Clare x

Milestones of Motherhood explores women’s growth and transformation through motherhood as we learn to love and mother our children and will be available from Mother’s Milks Books soon.